BomBARDed

by Library Bards

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credits

released September 10, 2019

Vocals: Bonnie Gordon & Xander Jeanneret
Additional Backing Vocals: Kim Williams

Mixing and Mastering of the Universe: Reston Williams
Partially Recorded at Mildly Panicked Studios

Musical Tracks: Bonecage and Sam Johnides
Remix: Michael Carrera

Lyrics: Bonnie Gordon and Xander Jeanneret
Additional Lyrics: Kevin Becker, Jordan Hassay, and Sam de Leve

Album Cover Art: Mike Hamlet

Management and Production: Randall Domingue
Executive Producers: Jack Dire, Scott Gordon, Lauren E. Mitchell, Derek Stevens, and Bill Zanetti

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Library Bards Los Angeles, California

The Library Bards are a nerd parody band consisting of Bonnie Gordon (ABC's The Quest, R. Mika in Street Fighter V) and Xander Jeanneret (TBS' King of the Nerds). They take Top 40 hits and transform them into the nerdy versions they should have been in the first place! With their catchy tunes and nerdy lyrics, the @LibraryBards will be bringing you into the #BardLife in no time! ... more

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Track Name: Spider-Man
Spider-Man
[Parody of "Spiderwebs" by No Doubt]

He was just an awkward kid
Never noticed anything he did
Spider radioactivity
Gave him powers and agility

And now he’s stuck in the web he’s spinning
Saving the day

Peter isn’t home right now
He’s busy slinging spiderwebs
Some robbers shot and killed his Uncle Ben
A Marvel story, but robbers shot
and killed his Uncle Ben

Pining for Mary Jane
Kissing upside down in rain
With great power, now you see
Comes great responsibility

Genetic mutation, from radiation
He’s magically in shape!

Peter isn’t home right now
He’s busy slinging spiderwebs
A portal took him to another time
A Marvel story, but portals tend to
happen all the time

He swings from brick walls,
Of buildings so tall
And leaves his webbing
For the city to clean

Now who can we trust
Since he blew away as dust
From our friendly neighborhood,
Peter didn’t feel so good
Peter isn’t home right now
He’s busy slinging spiderwebs
He accidentally killed his old girlfriend
A Marvel story, but whiplash may have
Killed his old girlfriend

He swings from brick walls
Of buildings so tall
No matter, matter, matter, matter who calls
Our masked man web crawls

Gwen Stacy isn’t home right now, so
Leave a message and she'll call you back

Miles isn’t home right now
So leave a message and he'll call you back
Track Name: DnD
DnD
[Parody of "TNT" by AC/DC]

(Roll! Roll! Roll!)

See me rollin’ out my dice set
From my purple Crown Royal bag
Countin‘ the crits that I will get
Don’t have to deal with lag
Pencils to the left of me
And paper to the right
Ain’t got no plug
Ain’t got no mouse
I’m a fricken knight.

I play DND, on Sunday nights,
DND, characters with might,
DND, adventures bestowed,
DND, playing mages and rogues!

The party is formed with a similar goal:
Tryin’ to level up
Character sheets are filled out in full
Got ‘dew in my cup
So hang up your headsets
Dim down the lights
Hang up controllers
And roll for your life
The DM’s back in town
So don’t you mess me ‘round

I play DND, on Sunday nights,
DND, characters with might,
DND, adventures bestowed,
DND, playing mages and rogues!

I’m getting EXP, on Sunday nights,
DND, characters with might,
DND, adventures bestowed,
DND, playing mages and rogues!
Track Name: Princess Bride
Princess Bride
[Parody of "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers]

Open the book, turn the page
Right before my bedtime
Grandpa can’t go home until he reads it all
Could be a hit or a miss
He says it has pirates
Is this a book with a kiss? [Wait! Is this a book with a kiss?]

A place with horses and sheep
Stable boy and a girl
Fell in love, then he left to seek fortune in the world.
Now the farm boy is dead
Enter Prince Humperdink
That she’s now forced to wed,
to become a princess now
Damsel in distress now
Let her go
It’s from a book, this love story
Hashtag Relationship Goals!

Westley, she thinks that he died at sea
She’s kidnapped by three bandit guys
They don’t know he’s in disguise
West will come to save the day!
He’s taken up Dread Piracy
Insane Cliffs he’ll have to climb
It’s The Princess Bride.

Clashing swords with left hands
Then switching fast to the right
Taking the giant down, chokehold makes him fall
Inconceivable wits,
How did it end up like this?
Iocane’s odorless, and then he said “As you wish”

Rodents crawl on the ground
They’re of unusual size
But Humperdink takes her back, and wants Westley to die
Now he’s just mostly dead, he needs a Miracle Max
‘Cause Buttercup’s getting wed, to become a princess now,
Westley’s on a quest now
Let her go!

It’s from a book, this love story!
#RelationshipGoals!

Westley, storming castles expertly
Working with his new allies
Six fingered man, Prepare to die!
West will come to save the day!
Buttercup will soon be free
Through the sunset they will ride!
It’s the Princess Bride.
Track Name: Comic Fan
Comic Fan
[Parody of "Magic Man" by Heart]

Cold, late night up in my bed
Covers up above my head
The panels flashed before me
Those lines came to life

You know, I could not run or jump, it seemed
or throw a ball, but I can dream
Those heroes seemed to call me,
they spoke right to me, yeah

“I wanna be a hero” I say it with a smile
I have no mutant powers, and I can’t fly for miles
But I’ve got Iron Man, I’ve got Spider-Man,
Try try try to understand, I’m a comic fan.

Convention nights we wait in line
Playing games to pass the time
Those characters we all know, in movies and new shows
We flash our badge and shuffle in
Before the panel would begin
We all seem worried, that trailer looked hurried

“I wanna be a hero” we all seem to respond
Though we come from different places,
we share a common bond
‘Cause we’ve got Iron Man, we’ve got Spider-Man,
Try try try to understand, we are comic fans.

“I wanna be a hero” he whispered to our hearts,
Through every generation, these stories play a part,
‘Cause we’ve got Iron Man, we’ve got Spider-Man,
Try, try to understand,
We have all of them thanks to Stan - we are Stan Lee fans!

[Instrumental]

“I wanna be a hero” he whispered to our hearts,
Through every generation,
these stories play a part,
‘Cause we’ve got Iron Man,
we’ve got Spider-Man,
We have all of them thanks to Stan,
we are Stan Lee fans!
Track Name: Come Fly Away
Come Fly Away
[Parody of "Come Sail Away" by Styx]

I’m sailing away -
set an open course ‘cross the galaxy
‘Cause I’ve got to be free - and you can never take
the sky from me
On board Mal’s the Captain - so climb aboard
We’ll transport your cargo - the law ignored
And we’ll fly, oh lord we’ll fly,
‘til Wash is gone

Fly, fast as the breeze
Passage to be paid, with some strawberries
One shipment we had
Contained a naked girl, who went raving mad
Jayne’s a hero in Canton, so the ballad goes
We’ll carry your cattle in our cargo hold
And we'll fly best that we can
‘til Wash is gone

A gathering of Reavers suddenly descend
Wash shouted out his mantra, a leaf upon the wind

We said don’t fail today, don’t fail today
Don’t fail Serenity
Don’t fail today, don’t fail today
Don’t fail Serenity

Wash get away, wash get away
Flying Serenity
Wash get away, wash get away
Flying Serenity

We thought this show would air for years,
but much to our surprise,
Fox cancelled after season one,
but renewed Family Guy

Come fly away come fly away
Fly on Serenity
Come fly away come fly away
Fly on Serenity
Come fly away come fly away
Fly on Serenity
Come fly away come fly away
Fly on Serenity
Track Name: Welcome to Jurassic Park
Welcome to Jurassic Park
[Parody of "Dancing in the Dark" by Bruce Springsteen]

It’s beyond believing, Scientists were blown away
The choppers are flying - I look around, seeing the display!

You can’t call me a liar
I stuck my arm in the dung myself
They had babies, without any manly help

Amber’s required
It’s found in fossilized tree bark
I’m feelin’ inspired
Welcome to Jurassic Park

Dinosaurs keep getting bigger,
tourists are filling up the place
I check the doors with a shiver
I want to change the locks, the fence, the gate

Mankind ain't getting nowhere
We all know that it’s womankind who lives
See my gelatin jigglin,
I think we all know what that is

Amber’s required
It’s found in fossilized tree bark
I’m feelin’ inspired
Welcome to Jurassic Park

It’s just a hostile takeover
The dinos are misunderstood
We built a crappy enclosure
Because we could, not if we should

Clear the streets of the theme park
We’re no longer the master race
These dinos are hungry
And that one spat acid in my face

I'm at this fatal attraction
I'm sick of sitting 'round here hiding on the loo
I need a mass extinction
Or later I’ll end up dino poo

Amber’s required
It’s found in fossilized tree bark
I’m feelin’ inspired
Welcome to Jurassic Park

Amber’s required
To play god, so why not give it a whirl?
Soon, you will be expired
Eaten by a Clever Girl
Welcome to Jurassic Park
Track Name: John Barrowman
John Barrowman
[Parody of "Piano Man" by Billy Joel]

It’s nine o’clock on a Saturday,
my favorite show soon will begin.
Well, we’re all a fan of the Doctor now,
but we wait for that jawline and chin.

He says “Hello, I’m in squadron 1-3-3”
as he smiles down, while holding Rose
And he’s cute, and it seems like he bats for both teams
wearing fitted Royal Airforce clothes.

Give all the roles to John Barrowman!
Give him the roles today,
For we all know his dimples are heavenly,
Don’t care if you’re straight, bi, or gay!

Now John at the Con is a friend of mine,
Well, not really, I had to pay for his pic.
In my Jack Harkness coat, I recite every quote,
and my eyes wander down to his - smile.

He says “Bards, it’s really nice meeting you!”
As he signs his name with a heart.
We say “John, you should be a movie star,
if only they’d give you more parts!”

Give all the roles to John Barrowman!
Give him the roles today,
For we all know his dimples are heavenly,
Don’t care if you’re straight, bi, or gay!

He has played a villain on Arrow,
even bad, he can make our hearts soar.
He’s so cute when he’s mean on our small TV screen,
but we know that he’s destined for more!

So Hollywood, it’s time for a leading man
who comes from a land overseas!
He can sing and can dance,
and looks great in tight pants,
and his husband and fanbase agree!

Give all the roles to John Barrowman!
Give him the roles today,
For we all know his dimples are heavenly,
Don’t care if you’re straight, bi, or gay!

We‘re singin’ give all the roles to John Barrowman!
Give him the roles today,
For we all know his dimples are heavenly,
Don’t care if you’re straight, bi, or homosexual!
Track Name: Klingon
Klingon
[Parody of "Dream On" by Aerosmith]

Birds of Prey decloak and get clearer
Filled with blood wine; Victory is nearer
The battle’s on
Ships fly by, weapons drawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody knows their enemies must pay

I know everybody knows
The warrior race from Qo’noS
Although war may begin
Better to die with honor if you don’t win

Raise your Bat’leth to the Empire Nation
Stubborn allies to the Starfleet Federation
We guarantee:
Sto vo kor, it waits for thee!

Sing with me, sing of our glory
Sing out so loud the dead hear our story
Sing of me, sing of this day
Maybe tomorrow, Kahless will take you away

Sing with me, sing of our glory
Sing out so loud the dead hear our story
Sing of me, sing of this day
Maybe tomorrow, Kahless will take you away

Klingon
Klingon
Klingon
Cleavin’ all our foes in two

Klingon
Klingon
Klingon
Then enjoy some cold prune juice

Sing with me, sing of our glory
Sing out so loud the dead hear our story
Sing of me, sing of this day
Maybe tomorrow, Kahless will take you away

Sing with me, sing of our glory
Sing out so loud the dead hear our story
Sing of me, sing of this day
Maybe tomorrow, Kahless will take you away
Track Name: Mighty Morphin' Time
Mighty Morphin' Time
[Parody of "Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper]

Living our life, hear the watch beep,
A voice comes through
Called upon to save the day, intrusion
Is nothing new

They crash land - and pick fights -
Not just petty crime. Suit-change technology,
It’s mighty morphin’ -

Parkour abilities, with teamwork we get ahead!
We’re beating Putties, with no fear
When will they end?
A monster will show, we fall behind -
We form a single line

With our hands on our Buckles, we shout strongly
It’s Mighty Morphin’ Time!
In color-coded spandex, we’ll be fighting
It’s Mighty Morphin’ Time!

Transforming sequence, our dinosaurs have lent us aid!
Watching through windows - you're wondering
if we’ll save the day
Secret identities we all must hide,
our weapons can combine!

With our hands on our Buckles, we shout strongly
It’s Mighty Morphin’ Time
In color-coded spandex, we’ll be fighting
It’s Mighty Morphin’ Time!

Monsters will grow -
We’re in a bind
But our Dinozords combine!

With our hands on our Buckles, we shout strongly
It’s Mighty Morphin’ Time
In color-coded spandex, we’ll be fighting
It’s Mighty Morphin’ Time!
Track Name: I Need a Zero
I Need a Zero
[Parody of "I Need a Hero" by Bonnie Tyler]

Where have all the good folks gone,
to weaken all my foes?
Where’s the waves of peasants
that I can send to die in droves?

I am just a white knight upon a silver steed,
How am I supposed to win without the tools I need?

I need a zero!
An insignificant peasant who would die for a knight

They just have to be ready, whenever I fancy
And otherwise stay out of sight
I need a zero!
A nothing nobody no one ever bothers to know
And when they are killed, it’s their destiny filled
And we can move on with the show!

In all the songs and tales and all the histories
Faceless armies fight and die on land and on stormy seas
They get the glory of a death without a name,
While it’s my burden true to live with all the fame!
[sob]

I need a zero!
An anonymous body just to fall in a war
When they die in the mud, well maybe their blood
Will rust our enemy’s sword!

I need a zero!
An unimportant defender of whatever I say
But when push comes to shove, it’s me that they love
‘Cause I am the one who’s saving the day

I need a zero!
For example, a Bard who only knows how to drum

Out in the streets or in the innkeeper’s bar!
Out on the front lines of our army!
I could swear there is someone who counts as a puny N-P-C
Through the wind, and the chill, and the rain,
and the storm, and the flood -
I can track their retreat by the trail of their blood!

I need a zero!
An insignificant peasant who would die for a knight
They just have to be ready, whenever I fancy
And otherwise stay out of sight

I need a zero!
A nothing nobody no one ever bothers to know
And when they are killed, it’s their destiny filled
And we can move on with the show!

I need a zero!
An anonymous body just to fall in a war
When they die in the mud, well maybe their blood
Will rust our enemy’s sword!

I need a zero!
An unimportant defender of whatever I say
But when push comes to shove, it is me that they love
‘Cause I am the one who is saving the day

I need a zero!
A nothing nobody no one ever bothers to know!
Track Name: Stan Lee
Stan Lee
[Parody of "Stand By Me" by Ben E. King]

When we all were young
And we found that spark
Of the heroes brought to life
in fantasies
See his name, displayed
On the comic trades
Just a man, a great man
Named Stan Lee

You know who we’re singing ‘bout!
Stan - Stan Lee! Oh! Stan, Stan Lee.
It’s Stan Lee, it’s Stan Lee.
He’s Stan Lee.

If his books, that we look upon
Should crumble and tear
They will live on throughout his legacy
Don’t deny! (don’t deny) He’s our guy! (he’s our guy!)
Remembering 95 years!
He’s the man we all know as
Stan Lee!

We’re gathered here to celebrate!
Stan - Stan Lee! Oh, Stan, Stan Lee!
It’s Stan Lee, it’s Stan Lee! He’s Stan Lee!

Thor and Hulk have come,
And Mr. Tony Stark
And the Guardians of our Nerdy Galaxy!
No, we won't be afraid
Oh, we won't be afraid
Thanks to the heroes created by Stan Lee!

Excelsior! Excelsior!
Stan - Stan Lee! Oh Stan Lee. Stan Lee!
It’s Stan Lee, it’s Stan Lee! He’s Stan Lee!
With power comes responsibility!
Stan Lee!
Oh, Stan Lee. Stan Lee!

Stan Lee.

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