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I Need a Zero

from BomBARDed by Library Bards

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Parody of "I Need a Hero" by Bonnie Tyler

lyrics

I Need a Zero
[Parody of "I Need a Hero" by Bonnie Tyler]

Where have all the good folks gone,
to weaken all my foes?
Where’s the waves of peasants
that I can send to die in droves?

I am just a white knight upon a silver steed,
How am I supposed to win without the tools I need?

I need a zero!
An insignificant peasant who would die for a knight

They just have to be ready, whenever I fancy
And otherwise stay out of sight
I need a zero!
A nothing nobody no one ever bothers to know
And when they are killed, it’s their destiny filled
And we can move on with the show!

In all the songs and tales and all the histories
Faceless armies fight and die on land and on stormy seas
They get the glory of a death without a name,
While it’s my burden true to live with all the fame!
[sob]

I need a zero!
An anonymous body just to fall in a war
When they die in the mud, well maybe their blood
Will rust our enemy’s sword!

I need a zero!
An unimportant defender of whatever I say
But when push comes to shove, it’s me that they love
‘Cause I am the one who’s saving the day

I need a zero!
For example, a Bard who only knows how to drum

Out in the streets or in the innkeeper’s bar!
Out on the front lines of our army!
I could swear there is someone who counts as a puny N-P-C
Through the wind, and the chill, and the rain,
and the storm, and the flood -
I can track their retreat by the trail of their blood!

I need a zero!
An insignificant peasant who would die for a knight
They just have to be ready, whenever I fancy
And otherwise stay out of sight

I need a zero!
A nothing nobody no one ever bothers to know
And when they are killed, it’s their destiny filled
And we can move on with the show!

I need a zero!
An anonymous body just to fall in a war
When they die in the mud, well maybe their blood
Will rust our enemy’s sword!

I need a zero!
An unimportant defender of whatever I say
But when push comes to shove, it is me that they love
‘Cause I am the one who is saving the day

I need a zero!
A nothing nobody no one ever bothers to know!

credits

from BomBARDed, released September 10, 2019
Backing Track by Sam Johnides

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Library Bards Los Angeles, California

The Library Bards are a nerd parody band consisting of Bonnie Gordon (ABC's The Quest, R. Mika in Street Fighter V) and Xander Jeanneret (TBS' King of the Nerds). They take Top 40 hits and transform them into the nerdy versions they should have been in the first place! With their catchy tunes and nerdy lyrics, the @LibraryBards will be bringing you into the #BardLife in no time! ... more

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